


I Still Long To Hold Her

by baeminhyuk



Series: There's Something About You And Me [7]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, F/M, Jennie-centric, One Shot, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 08:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15882108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeminhyuk/pseuds/baeminhyuk
Summary: Jennie’s gonna put some expensive whiskey in a flask, get dressed, and head uptown to watch her best friend get married to someone who isn’t her.





	I Still Long To Hold Her

**Author's Note:**

> so fair warning, this au is going to be straight up angst with a bunch of swear words. people are also a bit ooc and yunseo, jimin's fiancée is an oc. i know you guys may not like angst too much but i hope you give this fic a chance haha :( thanks!

 

She stands staring into her closet as though she hasn’t been thinking about what to wear to this thing for the last like, eight months. Which, for most people, maybe isn’t that weird — for whatever reason, weddings are apparently something to freak the fuck out over and plan in advance even when you’re the groom’s third cousin’s boyfriend, or something. Any wedding Jennie’s ever gone to, she’s picked something out from her closet or bought something new about a week before and called it good. The way she sees it, someone else’s wedding isn’t anything for her to stress over.

She rolls her eyes at herself, because she’s learned that’s really, _really_ not true.

She’s had the invitation stuck to her fridge since it came in the mail. She’s always liked to torture herself. It’s right next to a picture of her and Lisa from a couple years ago when they went to Seoraksan because Lisa wanted to see the trees and Jennie…

Well, Jennie wanted to see Lisa there.

Fuck.

She sits down at the edge of her bed, digs her heels into the floor and catches her reflection in the mirror on the back of her closet door. She’s not gonna cry, or anything. Instead, she’s gonna put some expensive whiskey in a flask it has no business being in, do her makeup, get dressed, and head uptown to watch her best friend get married to someone who isn’t her.

 

* * *

 

She honestly wasn’t even going to go. Like, from the second Lisa told her that she was engaged, Jennie was basically thinking of what she’d do on the day, because she sure as hell wasn’t going to be there. Honestly, she’s still on the fence as to whether or not it was actually insulting for Lisa to think she’d be happy about this. But that makes her worry that she cares about Lisa more than Lisa cares about her, which is honestly so freaking obvious, but still hard to actually admit.

Seriously. The girl's marrying someone else, and Jennie’s just trying to keep it together long enough to apply eyeliner evenly.

This is stupid. She honestly doesn’t even know if Lisa’d notice if she wasn’t there. But that’s such a ridiculous thing to think, and Jennie recognizes that she’s being a total brat.

For all her back and forth and stubborn insistence that she wouldn’t put herself through this day, she also knows she cares about Lisa too much to hurt her by not showing up.

She and Lisa haven’t been the same since the engagement, and that’s like, mostly Jennie’s fault, if fault is a thing here. She’s pulled back a little, because she honestly thought that this relationship would go like the rest of Lisa’s have. Like, the girl goes all in 15 minutes into the first date and then either the guy wants out, or Lisa starts picking things apart after a few months and sees all the flaws in an otherwise decent relationship. Not that Jennie’s really wanted Lisa to be with people the last few years, but some of Lisa’s reasons were downright crazy.

What makes Jungkook different? Jennie can’t put her finger on it. Lisa cut their first date short, cancelled the second, then spent the night with him after he took her to a proper dinner. She still won’t tell Jennie what Jungkook said to her to get her to go home with him after Lisa had literally told Jennie there was ‘no chance’ that she’d even see him again.

A year and a half later, he had a ring on Lisa’s finger and they were moving in together and wanted Jennie to help them find a place.

No fucking thank you.

But like, she did it, because one, she’s a good friend, okay? And two, she’s an even better businesswoman. She found them a nice place in Yeouido because they’ve got money and that’s where Lisa’s always wanted to live, and when the commission check came through, Jennie used it to treat herself to a weekend in Japan to unwind from the stress of helping this person she’s in love with shack up with someone else.

Jennie digs her fingernail into the palm of her hand and asks herself again why she’s putting herself through this crap.

It’s not like she could ever say anything, right? Lisa’s always had something going on with someone, despite her always feeling and acting like she’s so unlovable and so undesirable. Since Jennie’s known her, the woman’s had someone, and no, they weren’t all winners and they weren’t all good relationships, but they were there. Jennie thinks Lisa’s been chasing something since they were bandmates. Like, love, and trust, and someone to give her a bit of spare attention.

Look, it’s not Lisa’s fault she caught feelings. There was something — small, tumultuous — when they lived together, just the two of them. She can’t tell you what it was about that whole situation that made her actually notice Lisa as a person she wanted to explore something with. Maybe it was just that it was always there and Jennie just didn’t know about it or didn’t care, or didn’t want to talk to Lisa about a single damn thing. Then all of a sudden they’re living together, just the two of them, and Lisa’s like, amazing in the city they love, and it’s just…

That part was all easy to ignore. That part was like — oh here’s my best friend who’s the kindest, most beautiful woman on earth and we share a space and this is nothing.

It’s when the two of them moved out that things got really weird, because what happened is they missed each other. They started making more of an effort to see each other. Lisa was the one who supported Jennie most when she said she wanted to go into business and make a name for herself in that field. Jennie stood by Lisa with every modelling stint, or hosting gig. And they were both there through all the bad dates, hookups, and messed up relationships. Lisa literally came and picked Jennie up in a taxi in Hongdae when she got herself into a fucked up situation with this guy who made her feel really uncomfortable.

But this isn’t about that changing. This is about the fact that they were practically dating before Lisa met Jungkook.

Look, Jennie’s _not_ stupid. Nothing physical ever even really happened. But they were inseparable, mostly. Like, they’d share a bed kind of inseparable. They had a morning routine kind of inseparable. They spent most of their evenings together kind of inseparable. Fuck, the last wedding Jennie went to, she went as Lisa’s plus one.

Jennie sits at the edge of her bed and takes a drink of ice cold water, because if she doesn’t stop this line of thinking, she won’t even make it to the damn venue, let alone through enough of the evening to make it seem like she isn’t entirely fucking _heartbroken_.

 

* * *

 

Maybe she just needs to stop having best friends she’s attracted to. It screws her up every single time. Like, she’s never actually been close friends with someone and not gotten herself into some tangled, weird relationship with them, and so far that’s gotten her exactly nowhere.

She’s standing in her bedroom with her pants on, but unbuttoned, and her black bra on when her phone lights up on top of her dresser. It’s Lisa’s mom, saying she can’t wait to see her.

Fuck.

The only reason she’s not drinking right now is because if she shows up with a buzz on or smelling like alcohol, she definitely won’t be able to act as well as she’ll need to to get through this day.

Is it wrong to start counting down the hours until she’s back home?

 

* * *

 

She checks herself out in the mirror before she leaves her place, and takes off the necklace she’s wearing. She’s got on just diamond studs as jewellery now, but she likes that, too. Besides, Lisa gave her that necklace for her birthday last year and it feels weird to wear it to this thing. Like she likes that that’s just between them, and if Lisa notices she’s wearing it, it’ll be a whole big thing, or something.

Plus, it draws attention to her chest, which she doesn’t really need, because she’s wearing a blazer with nothing underneath and she’s not trying to be trashy. Whatever. This is totally tasteful and fits the dress code for the wedding, so it’s fine. She looks hot and she loves this suit and it’s tailored to fit her perfectly — she knows, because she spent enough on it to make sure it looks exactly how she wants it to. She’s wearing these black Gucci heels she loves and she has her phone, ID, and credit card in this dark green clutch, drops her lipstick and that little flask inside, takes a deep breath and heads out the door.

Her car’s waiting for her and she thinks the driver’s gonna pass out just looking at her, which is really annoying.

“Where’re you heading?” the driver asks, and Jennie doesn’t even look up from her phone.

Look, she hates this, this small talk that some people think they need to do, and she rates drivers accordingly. Especially men. They just don’t know when to leave women the hell alone sometimes.

He just lost a star.

(Maybe she’s being extra petty today.)

“A wedding.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, and she cuts him a look in the rear view. She figures he’s being a pain about the fact that she’s wearing pants, or something, and look, pal, today’s not the day to start that crap.

“Mhm.”

“I got married last year.” Cool. She doesn’t care. “We went to Vietnam.” Yeah, he looks like the type who’d do that. “My wife’s got family there, so it was a good spot.”

“That’s nice.”

Maybe she’s a bitch for trying to sound as uninterested and unimpressed as possible, but, well, she never said she wasn’t a bitch.

Lisa said she wasn’t. That’s a thing Lisa did. She’s maybe actually one of the only people in the world other than Jennie’s own mother and their former bandmates who sees through the things she does to keep people at a distance, or... Whatever. Keep them from knowing much about her. Lisa’s known her long enough to read all her tells. Like how when she needs to talk, she usually just shows up without warning. When she’s mad, she works out. When she needs to clear her head, she sits on her fire escape and smokes a cigar. Lisa even knows that when Jennie needs to cry, she wants to be alone but doesn’t actually want to be alone.

Which, honestly, is maybe what makes all this even that much harder. It’s not just that she’s not the one Lisa wants. It’s that Lisa hasn’t even noticed that Jennie is struggling _so fucking hard_ with this. They’ve talked about the wedding and Lisa’s said how excited she is to be marrying Jungkook, to build a life with him, and it’s like a fucking stab in the heart when Lisa says things like that and talks about the things she can’t wait to do with him. Because they’re always, _always_ things that Jennie and Lisa used to do together.

“Sorry, I’m just…” She trails off, and he smiles at her in the mirror, shakes his head like he can stop talking and it’s no big deal. “Thanks.”

“All good.”

He tells her to have a good night as they pull up to the venue, and for a split second, she legitimately considers not getting out.

She straightens out her jacket and pushes her hair off her face, draws her shoulders back, and heads for the door. No turning back now.

 

* * *

 

She should have brought a date.

There are a few people here from the music industry. Jimin’s by the bar with Ten and his fiancée, Yunseo. Chaeyoung and Seulgi are talking with Lisa’s parents. Jisoo and her husband are already seated, heads bent towards one another. She actually thinks they’re super cute together, not that she’d say that out loud.

She’s focusing on them so she doesn’t have to pay attention to Jimin, who’s walking towards her. Fuck. She and Jimin are close and they know each other really well, and honestly, it’s been sort of killing her to not be able to talk to him about these stupid fucking feelings she has. He’s busy, as well, with his solo promotions and planning a wedding. Jennie really likes Yunseo, too.

But then Jimin just hugs her, and Yunseo does, too, and she lets out a breath when he asks how she’s doing.

Jennie sort of wishes just one single person here could understand what she’s dealing with today.

She finds a seat at the back, far away from anyone she knows well enough to care if they see her cry, or whatever. She also steals another sip from her flask, just a small one, and then the doors are opening at the back of the room and everyone stands.

Lisa looks so _fucking_  gorgeous and so happy that Jennie digs her fingernails into her palm again just to try to keep herself _together_.

 

* * *

 

The vows are nice enough, if you’re in to that sort of thing. Lisa insisted they write their own, which is a shock to absolutely no one in this place. Jennie actually chuckles when Chaeyoung (she’s her maid of honor) passes her a stack of cue cards and she flips her hair over her shoulders and puts on her performance stance and it ends up all being a total joke. Jungkook lifts her hand and kisses it, which is sort of sweet, she guesses. And then he says sweet things about Lisa in his vows, and it’s all very lovely except for the fact that Jennie feels like she _can’t_ _breathe_.

She could get up right now and stop this whole fucking thing, but, ya know, it wouldn’t make a difference and all it would get her is a bunch of pointed looks and a hundred people thinking she’s insane.

She sits still in her seat next to this complete stranger who’s crying next to her. He hands her a tissue and she realizes there are tears streaming down her own cheeks.

 

* * *

 

They almost kissed just once.

Or, really, Jennie almost kissed Lisa just once.

It was about a month before Lisa met Jungkook. They were hanging out at Jennie’s place, in her bed, eating chicken skewers and rewatching Brooklyn Nine Nine on Netflix, sort of chatting over it because they’ve both seen the whole series a couple times. Jennie had gone out on a date a few nights before that was truly terrible, and Lisa was offering comfort and advice.

“You deserve better. You’re owed better. You’re too good for all these people, Jennie.” Her voice had gotten all quiet and she’d said, “Sometimes I think I’m the _only_ one who sees that.”

Jennie was just looking at her, and her heart was racing, and then Lisa turned her head a little and Jennie leaned in just a little, and Lisa did too before taking a sharp intake of breath and then the moment was over and…

Watching Jungkook place his hands on Lisa’s cheeks and kiss her in front of all these people is just _so_ jarringly removed from that, that Jennie has to remind herself to clap like everyone else is.

Lisa catches her eye as she’s walking back down the aisle with her husband, and the smile on Lisa's face makes Jennie want to take back _every_ time she held everything in.

 

* * *

 

The reception’s in the same place, just a different room, and Jennie drops her card with cash — and a charitable donation notice, as per Lisa’s request — into the box on the gift table. Why anyone would actually purchase and wrap an item instead of giving money or gift cards is totally beyond Jennie’s comprehension.

Someone presses a glass of champagne into her hand, puts their hand at the small of her back, and she turns to see Chaeyoung standing there next to her.

“You look like you need this,” Chaeyoung says, and gives Jennie this look like maybe she knows more than she should. She’s probably just being paranoid.

“Thanks.”

“Are you okay, unnie?”

It’s a whisper, and Jennie can’t decide if she loves or hates that.

“I’m totally fine. You?”

Because of all the people in the world she could talk to about her actual emotions, it’s not going to be Chaeyoung Park.

Chaeyoung puts on that killer smile she literally taught them all when they were trainees, straightens up her back and shrugs her shoulder, looks out over the crowd in the room.

“Jungkook’s cousin is cute.”

Jennie takes a long sip of champagne. “Go for it, Chaeng.”

Jen walks away because the conversation was getting on her last nerve, but if nothing else, it served as a reminder that she’s doing a piss poor job of making it look like she’s fine, and she needs to get it together.

Jungkook’s mother introduces herself, says she’s heard so much about Jennie from Lisa and that she’d love to get to know her a little more. She’s also a businesswoman, just in Jeju instead of Seoul, and she says she thinks they have a lot in common.

“She looks really beautiful,” Mrs. Jeon says, and Jennie nods, even though Lisa’s not in the room to look at, at the moment. “She was worried the veil was too much, but I kept on telling her it was just perfect.”

Jennie smiles a genuine smile and sips her drink. She knows how much Lisa loves that veil and she was absolutely just fishing for a compliment, and that is just so like her.

“She’s got good taste,” Jennie says quietly, and she figures she ought to be charming with Lisa’s new mother-in-law. “Look who she married.”

Mrs. Jeon makes a sound and pats Jennie on the arm, says she’ll catch up with her later, and fuck, Jennie’d really love something with more kick than champagne, but before she can sneak away to the hallway to have a sip from her flask, they’re announcing the newlyweds and fuck, you know what?

Lisa’s smile is totally contagious.

 

* * *

 

Look, it’s not as if all they talked about leading up to this thing was the wedding, but Jennie knew just about every detail before she walked into the venue. It’s no surprise to her that the food is as good as it is, because she helped Lisa finalize the menu. Honestly, partly to make sure Lisa didn’t do those stupid mini macarons for ‘dessert’, as if one bite of freaking sugar counts as a dessert.

Anyway. She’s sitting here at this table with everyone who’s here who knows anything about living in Seoul, basically, save for Lisa’s parents and her aunt, who she’s always been close to, who’s seated at a table with a bunch of Jungkook’s family.

Jimin brings Jennie a glass of scotch or rum or bourbon or something, sets his hand on her shoulder as he puts the glass down on the table right next to her hand. She should stop drinking, but then again, no one is stopping her, and she’ll just pace herself from here on out and it’ll be just fine. Jisoo’s husband is talking with Jennie about real estate, and she’s schmoozing a bit because she’s honestly always on the hustle for new clients and he’s got enough cash to be a good one. He’s currently renting, but owns a place in Busan because that’s where he’s from, and is thinking about selling that and getting something here.

Jennie picks at her mirror-glazed chocolate mousse once he turns back to Jisoo, and then Chaeyoung’s talking about something inconsequential, and Jennie gets a little lost in thought. The color of this glaze is flawless and matches perfectly the flowers Lisa’s been carrying. She said she wanted to go untraditional and do moody florals and dark colors that would look good against her skin in photos.

Looks good in person, too.

Lisa and Jungkook are at the head table, heads bent together as Lisa holds a fork in her hand and dabs her napkin against her lip.

She needs air.

Jennie picks up her plate, grabs the glass Jimin brought her, leaves her clutch at the table and heads for the old vintage elevator that’ll take her up to the roof of this place. She’s been here before. Fuck, she came with Lisa when she was searching for venues.

Lisa’s stepdad is up here stealing some pulls off a cigarette, which is a habit his daughter hates and Jennie is one of only a few people who know about it. He looks for a second like he’s been caught red-handed, mutters, “Dammit,” and almost goes to put the cigarette out. He sees that it’s just her, smiles, and brings it to his lips again.

Yeah, he knows by now that she’s not gonna rat him out.

Not if he shares with her, anyway.

Marco puts his arm around her, kisses her hair as she sets her plate down on the wide railing at the edge of the roof.

“How’re you, kiddo?” Jennie shrugs, reaches for the cigarette. Marco laughs loudly and hands it to her. “What’d you think?”

She narrows her eyes in thought as she takes a drag, and dammit that feels good. “It was perfect, just how she wanted it.”

He sets his hand on the railing, his own wedding ring reflecting city lights in a way that’s almost obnoxious. “I like him.” Jennie looks down, blows smoke from her mouth and tries to pass the cigarette back to him, but he shakes his head. “I wish I knew him better.” Oh. Fuck. That’s gotta be... She doesn’t know what to do with that, to be honest. “I can’t shake the feeling I just don’t know this person my daughter’s marrying. Married to.”

Jennie sips her drink, uses her hand that’s holding the cigarette because she’s always liked the way that looks.

“He’s good, Marco,” she says, because honest to god, more than anything she just wants everyone in this family to feel good about today. Despite her own feelings and opinions and fucking heartbreak, it’s just really important to her. “He loves her. He's _good_ for her.”

Marco cuts her a look from the corner of his eye.

“As good as _you_?”

Jennie looks up at him too quickly, which she figures probably gives her away, but she can’t take it back.

She stubs out the cigarette, and then his arm is around her again like he’s trying to comfort her, or something, and she continues eating her dessert there with him and they’re both silent.

 

* * *

 

Lisa couldn’t settle on a song for their first dance, but when Jennie suggested they just don’t do that stupid tradition, Lisa’d looked at her like she was insane. Jennie also suggested a few options for letting other people pick the song, but it was explained to her that Lisa in no way trusted anyone else to pick the song she and her husband would dance to for the first time. So what she did instead is sit with Jungkook — thank fuck Jennie wasn’t there for this — and put together a list of like 30 songs. The plan was to just press shuffle and whatever song comes up is their first dance song.

Jennie’s standing by the bar when Lisa and Jungkook take the floor and the first chords start to play. They look happy and smitten and Jungkook uses his thumb to wipe a tear from under Lisa’s eye and she lets out this little laugh and leans up to kiss him and Jennie just…

She wants to say she feels numb, but it’s not even that. It’s more like a surge of adrenaline, or something, that will get her to the end of tonight so she can crash later.

Jimin’s walking towards her once the song changes and the floor opens, and Jennie rolls her eyes even as she’s smiling. He holds out his hand and she puts hers in his because it’s not like she can say no. She finds it a bit weird that he’s gonna dance with her before dancing with his fiancée, but whatever. The blonde guy loves to dance and he’s good at it, and she doesn’t doubt that he’ll dance with almost every woman in this place, including Lisa, before the night’s through.

She doesn’t even hate slow dancing with him. Which is weird, because slow dancing is lame but Jimin knows how to do it properly, so maybe that makes it better.

“You know, you didn’t have to do us all dirty like this,” he says after a few moments. People are watching them. Lisa and Jungkook are watching them. Jennie’s confused by his statement, though, and asks what the hell he’s talking about. “You wear a nicer suit than any guy at this thing.”

It makes her laugh, throw her head back and everything. And god, if that wasn’t probably exactly what he was going for.

“You’re next,” Jennie says, and Jimin smiles like he can’t wait to be married, or something. He and Yunseo are doing it in Busan, at Jimin’s parents’ house, which makes sense because it’s gorgeous and apparently Yunseo’s family mostly lives in Jeju, so they’ll be travelling anyway.

“You’ll come, right?” She smiles at him, nods. She hasn’t received an invite yet. She’s honestly happy to have made the cut. He keeps saying how small the thing’s gonna be. “You think you’ll ever get married?”

This conversation’s way too fucking real.

Look, it’s not like she thought she’d get married to Lisa (although she can't really think of anyone else she'd want to spend her life with). That’s not what this is about. It’s just that she, herself, feels so fucking far away from all this that it doesn’t even seem like an option. Like, even if she met someone tomorrow that she liked enough to date, it’d be a couple years before even thinking about tying the knot, if that’s even something she wants, which frankly, she never thought it was.

“I dunno.” Jimin just smiles like he thinks she’s saying that to avoid answering the question. He then spins her around, pulls her back in, and once her hand is settled below his shoulder blade again, she lets out a breath. “Can I tell you something?” He must pick up on how serious it is, because he furrows his brow, nods, and doesn’t say anything. “It’s... You take this to the grave, Jimin.”

Yeah, she’s begging. Threatening. Something.

He smiles sadly.

Oh, fuck. Maybe he already…

“I’m in love with her. And now, I can never be with her.” There’s a lump in her throat as soon as she says it, and Jimin squeezes her hand, nods again, and takes a deep breath, looks her right in the eye like he’s prompting her to do the same.

Jennie fucking loves him, honestly. He’s not making this a big thing, though he knows it is one, and he’s genuinely trying to help her keep her shit in check so she doesn’t have to deal with people asking what’s wrong or why she’s emotional.

He pulls her a little closer as the song switches. He should really find someone else to dance with. He just rubs his hand over her back a couple times, and says, “It’s gonna be okay, Jennie-ssi,” and for a split second, she thinks he might be right.

 

* * *

 

Maybe it’s tacky to leave before the bride and groom, but it’s getting late and people are starting to head out, and Jennie is just really, really wanting to be at home. Or alone. Both, preferably. She’s done her share of dancing, and she ate the cake and chatted with friends and even ended up sitting with Jungkook’s mom and dad for a while, chatting and getting to know them, and she just…

The one person she hasn’t talked to is Lisa. Hell, she even saw Jungkook coming back from the washroom and he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and she complimented him on his new hardware and held his left hand in hers for a minute.

He told her that it meant a lot that she was there. She’s spent the last hour wondering how much he and Lisa have talked about her.

He smiles when Jennie approaches the table he’s sitting at alone with Lisa, gets up out of his seat and pulls it out for Jennie. As if she needs that fucking symbolism or whatever the fuck right now.

Lisa reaches for her hands immediately, and before Jennie can say anything, says, “I’m so glad you came.”

“Where else would I have been?” Jennie laughs, tries to play it off, and Lisa’s lips curve and she looks down at their hands. She’s taken her veil off and Jennie now sees that she’s slipped her feet out of her shoes, too. Her toenails are polished blood red. She manages to get out, “Congratulations,” before she feels like her voice won’t work.

What Lisa says in response is, “You look absolutely beautiful, Jen,” and it’s so sincere and so... Jennie can’t honestly understand why Lisa would say it, or say it in that way.

“Shouldn’t that be my line?”

Lisa shakes her head. “People have been saying it to me all day. It’s lost all meaning.” She lets out this little giggle that makes Jennie smile. They’re still holding hands. “I should have known you’d wear something this stunning. I don’t know why you wouldn’t just tell me.”

“Gotta keep people on their toes.” Lisa rolls her eyes. “I’m gonna head out, I just wanted to…”

“What did Jimin say to you earlier?” Jennie wasn’t expecting the interruption. She blinks. “When you were dancing. What were you talking about?”

And this is it, right? This is the time when she could spill everything. Tell Lisa everything. She could start from the top and tell her all the times she’s felt like they could be _something_. She could say how she feels even if it wouldn’t change anything. At least Lisa would know, right?

But that’s the thing. It wouldn’t change anything. The longer she sits here, the more it sinks in that even if Lisa knows, it won’t matter. She’s fucking _married_. And even if Jennie had said something before now, it wouldn’t have meant anything and their friendship might have suffered or not made it through at all. At least this way, Jennie’s the only one who knows and it’s up to her and now she can just deal with it alone and move on and nothing has to get all fucked up.

But she still says, “You,” because it’s the truth and even if she’s running out of chances, she’s still going to push right up against the line.

Lisa tilts her head. “You looked upset. I'm worried about you.”

Jennie lets out a breathy laugh and looks down at their hands, at the rings Lisa’s now sporting. They’re really gorgeous; Jungkook did a good job.

“I’m really happy for you, Lisa-ya.”

“Jennie.” It’s quiet, this little whisper, and it’s probably because Jennie hasn’t said those words. Not when Lisa said she’d gone out with Jungkook, or slept with him, or was dating him, or was engaged to him. She’s never said it. It doesn’t even feel like a lie, really.

“He asked if I’d ever get married. Your stupid party’s got me all in my feelings.”

It’s an inside joke. When she was helping Lisa plan this wedding, she kept calling it a party and Lisa kept getting pissed at her.

Lisa bumps her shoulder against Jennie’s, laughs, and then rests her head there. “It’s been a really good party.” Jennie chuckles. “I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

“Sure you could’ve.”

Lisa pulls away again, takes her hands back and turns in her chair a bit to face Jennie. The skirt of her dress pushes up against Jennie’s legs.

“I wouldn’t have wanted to.” Jennie pauses, thinks about that, then nods, because she gets it. She does.

Lisa smiles again, and Jungkook’s coming back towards them. “You’re coming to brunch tomorrow, right? You’ll be there? I'll totally need you.”

And Jennie laughs — at herself, really — and looks down at her lap before looking back at Lisa again.

 _God_ , if she can make it through this thing, brunch is going to be a fucking walk in the park.

“I’ll be there. Can I bring you anything?”

Lisa raises her brow. “Refill that flask I’ve seen you stealing sips from all night. Don’t say anything, but Jungkook’s aunts are absolutely insane and keep saying they’ve planned a surprise. I’m terrified. I’ll need the courage.”

Jennie finds a genuine smile’s creeping across her lips. She nods her head, says, “You got it, babe.”

She stands when Jungkook is back at the table.

She says, “Seat’s all yours,” and shares one last look with Lisa before she walks away.

She leaves before anyone else can see the tears in her eyes or ask her how she’s doing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> title is from ['barcelona'](https://open.spotify.com/track/1yJZwBqTyGTB7mz8nZyiel?si=R1X46r8ZSMafpAfW3R1D1w) by george ezra
> 
> this one is a bummer and yeah, not my best work but sadness and homesickness made me write this. also all my angst fics were in lisa's pov so i wanted to switch things up. please send me a kudos and a comment to inspire me to write more! i really do appreciate any and all comments. thanks :)
> 
> p.s. i finally made a twitter acc! hit me up [@baeminhyuk](https://twitter.com/baeminhyuk), let's talk there :)


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